Of Pirates and Prophecy
As a kid, having been weaned on a literalist Pentecostal hermeneutic applied to the KJV, I used to marvel at how people could remain unbelievers in spite of how literally, clearly, and tangibly biblical prophecy was being fulfilled before our very eyes.
Nahum, for example—Mom used to insist—prophesied the automobile; and now here were millions of them running around: "The chariots shall rage in the streets, they shall justle one against another in the broad ways: they shall seem like torches, they shall run like the lightnings" (Nahum 2:4). Mom quoted that verse more than one time turning chariots into Chevrolets, torches into headlights, and lightning into beams of light streaming from them; all to charge up a kid’s commitment to Jesus by reminding me that we were "in the end times."
Moses, too, got into the act. There was his warning against women wearing men’s clothing; and now here they are doing it, Grandma used to lament, scowling at women in slacks or jeans. "God foresaw it would come to this—a sign of the end for sure," she preached, quoting Deuteronomy 22:5 straight from the King James: "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."
She would then declare stoutly that we were so far into the end times that she would still be alive for the Rapture—she was near 70 at the time—and would meet "Daddy" (her pet name for Grandpa who had died years before) in the air along with Jesus, and so we would not have to worry about a funeral for her.
And I knew for sure she was right because even if Leave it to Beaver’s Mrs. Clever wore a dress with heels to cook and clean, I knew our neighbor lady wore Levis not just to cook and clean but out in public watering flowers and going to grocery store, for heaven’s sake!
It happened, however, that even before Grandma died and we had a funeral in spite of end time prophecies, there came the time when I noticed a chink in my literalist armor. It was not what the Bible said but what it was silent about that made the dent. Dad rolled his own smokes and was roundly condemned in the literalist circle where we fellowshipped yet I could find nary a word in Scripture prophesying this scourge of tobacco that had come upon the earth. How could God have overlooked an item of such import to the literalists and yet made these other matters so clear?
Thinking thusly, when someone pointed out later that in the Revelation John prophesied the coming of satellites (Revelation 8:13; 14:6-9), I nodded and with a throat-clearing, "Ahem," excused my self from the conversation.
In fact, by the time Sputnik came along I was marveling at literalist prophecy in a different sort of way...
I was wondering at at how a supposed strictly literal hermeneutic could be so conflated with outlandish spiritualizing of the text to get to such supposed literal fulfillments.
It had to be the case, I thought one Sunday afternoon, literally, of a conclusion being read back into the text. This epiphany came with such clarity it left me in wonderment for days after and has continued to affect me in various ways since, one very recently, for example.
When pirates came along in the Gulf of Aden and snipers popped three of them in a boat from a ship all on a rolling, tossing sea, I was tempted only briefly to say, "There! I told you so! Prophecy fulfilled! Luke said it, King James and all, 22:25: ‘There shall be…upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring…’ Bang! Bang! Bang! Three bangs merged into one great big bang as the snipers fired together. What a roar! A trinity of a roar! Do you not know three is a sacred number? With all of that sacred roaring on the waves of the sea it has to be that…?"
I immediately nodded to myself, and with a throat-clearing, "Ahem," excused myself from the conversation with myself.
We would like to think in times of felt insecurity that the prophetic calendar has marked out all this worrisome stuff so clearly that we are totally safe because these are the end times, after all, and literally, we are about to be out’a here! Does not the Bible say, "And when these things begin to come to pass, look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh" (Luke 22:28 KJV)?
Rick Warren remarked recently, "Three things go up in recessions: church attendance, bar attendance, and movie attendance. Why those three things? They represent the three things people are looking for: meaning, connection, and relief."
Rick, recessions aside, these things go up during anytime of worrisome, bothersome stress, as they did immediately following 9/11 (2001), the Cuban missile crisis way back in ’62, the overblown Y2K threat (1999), or just anytime uncertainty clouds the horizon of our immediate vision. As you said, but in other words, we want (1.) an explanation, (2.) to know others are in the boat with us, and (3.) a way out—an escape hatch.
There is still no bigger hatch, even in this third millennium of Christianity one and three quarter centuries after Darby slipped the stuff into prophecy conferences and Scofield into a KJV Bible, than literalist biblical prophecy that assures us the Rapture is right around the corner—why worry about poverty or AIDS? The next paycheck is immediate enough that I might get it cashed and spent before Jesus comes.
For all your passion to involve the church in the battle against HIV/AIDS and global poverty, Big Guy, your biggest obstacle to success is that evangelicals always have both hands on the escape hatch latch—while holding on to that, it is just hard to get one’s head around anything else, let alone actually do much else! Why get involved when we’re going away? Literalist prophecy with its ironclad escape clause is the biggest hindrance to involvement in kingdom concerns right now, re, this side of glory. Even for those—which is probably most—who do not really believe God is getting up a load to go today, fantasing with LaHaye and Lindsey that he is, is enough to excuse inactivity and detour effective social involvement.
Indeed, until people like Warren resolve this primary issue with evangelicals they are spitting in the wind. The Somali pirates are perhaps just one graphic illustration of this.
Rather than wait for initiatives such as Bono’s Live AID, or Warren’s activism to kick in with a maybe-someday-solution for their poverty, the pirates cut through the red tape to resolve the problem in their own way. They just slice the pie as they find it, take their own far-bigger-than-Bono-or-Warren-intend share, and relieve others of the problem.
Their solution is very entrepreneurial, practical, and prophetic.
Yes, I said prophetic. Escape hatch and all.
It goes like this: "And the merchants of the earth shall weep and mourn over her; for no man buyeth their merchandise any more…And every shipmaster, and all the company in ships, and sailors, and as many as trade by sea, stood afar off,…And they cast dust on their heads, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas that great city, wherein were made rich all that had ships in the sea…" (Revelation 18:11-18).
No matter the city meant here, these "made rich" ships in the sea are obviously pirate ships, over against ships belonging to the merchants "and as many as trade by sea," all of whom cry a whole lot over spilt milk, spilled into the sea at the behest of the pirates, of course. The pirates lap it up and whisk it off to the nearest Somali port. How could any prophecy be clearer?
Fine exegesis, I know; kudos not required; make a contribution to Warren’s HIV/Aids/poverty campaign. However, you will note I was very careful to conflate the literal hermeneutic with the spiritualized text, the fulfillment at hand with the prophecy that fits well enough to get just the interpretation needed.
The escape hatch?
O yes: not to worry; you find that in the very next scene in the Revelation (19:6-9). The text urges, "Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready" by holding onto the escape hatch just long enough. Whoosh! We’re out’a here! This certainly is a prophecy of the Rapture, and pirates are surely a sign pointing to it.
As for the pirates, sign, and all, leave them behind to contract AIDS and other stuff in the Tribulation. That’ll teach ’em to mess with the good ol' U.S. of A!
Up, up, and away! We’re gone!
